Pants with a built-in picnic table. Designed in Italy, so they must be fashionable.
As you rock, the chair knits you a hat. Voila!
Damn Nelson Mandela, you smell so good!
For the truly worldly connoisseur.
Not sure why they’re named “Man Bait” since a love of bacon does not discriminate.
Fartlight combines the two most common apps for Android – Fart + Flashlight. And you thought your flashlight app couldn’t get more useful.
Save your phone from scratches and make it look like it’s from 1989.
“Uh, hello? Is this the ‘Mariah Carey Ultimate Jamz Mixtape?’… Yes, I’ll hold.”
Monograms: not just for towels!
Just a friendly passive aggressive reminder!
It’s a Merry Christmas for all (except pigs).
The best present you could possibly give a four year old boy.
The sweet burn of rooster sauce satisfaction in a lollypop.
Stop picking pencils out of your nose!
If you’re going to eat ice cream, you may as well have a scoop as big as your head.
You no longer need to guess that the top knuckle of your thumb is one inch. The Cardstick is cheap and surprisingly useful.
As you reach down to plug in your computer, you’ll know that at least you have your outlet friends.
Show some retro pride. Make your iphone look like the first portable electronic device you ever owned.
Good luck explaining this one when you get pulled over in your car.
Bacon and Frosting, two perfect foods combined. So deliciously gross.
When you can’t get Dippin’ Dots, at least you can still get the Astronaut equivalent.
When you’re really good at finding the right words, just not very good at finding the right card.
Each ticket looks like it wins $20,000 or more. Makes a particularly cruel April Fool’s joke.
Now you only need one thing for your french fries.
Your stick family was delicious.
This Mitt Romney wants to clean up more than just the economy.
You’re never too old to be light on your feet.
Measure your food with Swiss precision.
Sit back and enjoy a nice cold sip of bacon.
Execute the perfect fried egg.
When you’re feeling sad, you need tissues that match your mood. Tissue Noir.
The only salt that’ll make you truly happy.
The only way to lighten up your wallet without spending cash.
Your breath smells like cholesterol!
Never have to worry about buying those damn C and D batteries again.
Remember these? Have fun for just $5. Propeller winds up with a rubber band.
The audacity of poop.
Artisinal food from your local vending machine.
My bag is vintage.
Canouflage. Wrap your beers and take them with you anywhere… ANYWHERE!
Quick! Call 9-1-1. I need a Mustache, stat!
Great place to keep your valuables safe. Maybe this explains those outlets that never seem to work.
Have friends with a baby? This is the one gift that will guarantee they’ll never ask for anything for the baby again.
This baby should have been a cowboy. But, instead, she was a baby.
The stuff (cat) dreams are made of! Well, this and murder.
Because the only thing bigger than The Hulk is…wait…my thumbs are all the same size. Whatever. This looks fun.
“Does someone smell like fish?”
Make your vodka taste less like vodka…and more like bourbon, gin, absinthe or anything else your liver desires.
8-bit style for under 8 bucks!
The temporary tattoo that’ll really get you some attention…
Finally, a way to make your hamburgers look like hot dogs! So practical.
It’s just like shoving play-doh in your mouth, except it’s chocolate.
Are all your friends slobs? Get the Dress for Dinner Napkin.
Raise the water level of your bath a few inches. Make it seem like you’re living in a nicer place.
Life just got even more hipster.
From toppled dictatorship to available at Amazon (with free super saver shipping).
Because the Internet.
Because how can you be serious business without one? It keeps drinking and drinking and drinking…